Spoken Poetry

.1.

“ قصيدة مُفضلة ”

الكاتبة: سان ماو

لو كانت هناك حياةٌ أخرى، لوددتُ أن أكون شجرة”

أقف إلى الأبد، بهيئةٍ غيرِ حزينةٍ ولا مبتهجة

نصفي ساكنٌ في التربة

والآخرُ يتطايرُ في الرياح

نصفي ينثر ظلًّا رطبًا،

والآخر يستحمُّ في ضوءِ شمس

غايةٌ في السكون، غايةٌ في الفخر

لا أتّكئ على أحدٍ أبدًا

ولا أسعى وراء شيءٍ قَط

لو كانت هناك حياةٌ أخرى، لوددتُ أن أتحوّلَ إلى رياح

أستطيع في لحظةٍ أيضًا أن أصير سرمديّة

لا أملك أحاسيسَ مرهفةً، ولا عينين ممتلئين بالمشاعر

نصفي ينسابُ في المطر،

والآخرُ يرتحل في رونق الربيع

وحيدةً، أسافرُ إلى بعيد

حاملةً كلَّ الأشواق الباهتة

لا أشتاق أبدًا

لا أعشق مُطلقًا

لو كنت هناك حياةٌ أخرى، لوددتُ أن أكون طيرًا

أجتاز الخلودَ محلِّقًا، غيرَ قلقٍ من أن أضلّ الطريق

أملك آمالًا متوهّجةً في الشرق

وعشًّا دافئًا في الجنوب

أُلاحقُ مغيبَ الشمس غربًا

وأُثيرُ أريجًا صوبَ الشمال

لو كانت هناك حياةٌ أخرى

.” لتمنّيتُ أنْ تصير كلُّ مرّةٍ نلتقي فيها أبديّةً

(1)
What is left to keep

What is mine to take

What is the greatest sorrow could this body taste

Lost and found

Lost again, but never found.

Alanoud H.A.

(2)

I’m all that you need

but you’ll never have

I’m a good daughter

I’m a lover that worth fighting for

I’m a true friend and I’ll be there for you

whether you want me or not

but I’m not yours to have and I’ll never be yours to keep

Trying to teach me love by bitterness and teach me peace by obedience your thoughts, sabotaging what I know for sure, so I don’t have anything to believe except the things you’ll teach me

you have no power to change me unless I give it to you

I WILL NEVER

I understand, you have accepted a love that destroyed you, that doesn’t mean I’ll do the same

I’m not yours, and I’ll never be.

Alanoud H.A.

(3)

I will love you till the sun can’t wake up anymore

and until the moon can shine by its own

I will love you till the air can’t find its way to my lungs

and until the humans can stop losing themselves

I will love you forever

and I wll only love you.

Alanoud H.A.

(4)

I have no home to go to

I have no family to visit

and I have no shelter outside of my own body

I’m the familiar to me

and you’re the stranger

I’ll male sure my road won’t cut yours

and we’ll not meet in a certain point

until you understand, that is your duet

to control the evil inside of you

I’ll not allow your pain to get to me

and for that I aim to be by myself

to be honest, I’m all that I need.

Alanoud H.A.

- She’s Empty

not that deep, not that shallow, and not in between, she has no sympathy to feel, nor have the love to give, no happiness out there want to be parts of her

useless body!

memory can’t remember and a frozen heart

a useless life!

she feels nothing, little she knows nothing kills her.

Alanoud H.A.

(5)

Don’t run away, come to me I’m not like them, I’ll shelter and love you the right way, darling please, just come to me.

Alanoud H.A.

(6)

Back to a place you already said goodbye to, you see things you never noticed before, like you’re searching for something new to say goodbye to.

Alanoud H.A.

(7)

How do I survive?

How the dream become true?

How the people become kind? to not hurt and to not mind

How will I meet my God? if I losing all the faith now!

How do I be myself? if it’s required for us to be the same

How do I be different? if I’m not allow to be me.

Alanoud H.A.

(8)

They made you think living is a sin, that if you fall in love and dance with laughter, you’ll be punished, if you dare following your dream and discovering yourself, they’ll send you a slayer, forcing you to accept boundaries has been drown by them, it’s suffocating, and it’s heavy, because how on earth a lost soul will guide you home, when it can’t even find a home for itself.

Alanoud H.A.

- She woke up one day and thought “oh! it’s just another day in this loop of existing for nothing” she moves her body to do the exact same thing every day, but the wrinkles in her hand stopped her, she’s getting old, and still, she didn’t build herself a thing to come back to when she feels tired, not yet healed herself, and she doesn’t even have a job, she’s like the other girls who have parents like hers, they give birth to a hopeless children because they suck the life out of them.

Alanoud H.A.

(9)

I'm not here, I might touch you and you won't feel it, as if you have been blinded by your thoughts and now you can't see me anymore, even if I stand exactly in front of you, I'm not here.

Alanoud H.A.

(10)

I see you in every evil thing I see you're a good soul but with bad intentions, the first time you saw the hole of destruction, you jumped right in as if you were so sure to see a light on the other side, when you discovered how hopeless the ground that you hit, it was too late to save yourself, so instead of that, you want to own every light you see, look at me with your broken mind, I’m too shiny to drown in that darkness of yours.

Alanoud H.A.

(11)

I don’t want to fall in love with someone I have to compromise myself to have their love, I can’t imagine being with someone I have to teach how to be human, to be in a relationship that I ask myself if it’s right or wrong, someone will start a war between my heart and my mind, and even worse to be with someone who gives me the bare minimum and think they give me the world, when I’m ready to give them all.

Alanoud H.A.

(12)

I decided that my journey is bigger than only foe me, and my growth is not impacting myself, is impacting a lot of people, I decided that I’ll show you what have you been missing in life, kindness, happiness, peaceful, and the life itself, I’ll tell you how the universe guide me to myself, and maybe I can do the same to you

with the words I hold, I send love and peace to all of you.

Alanoud H.A.

(13)

If the universe would be so kind to offer me one more chance with you, I’ll not hesitate to tell you what I felt, if I can turn back the time I’ll run only towards you, and instead of saying goodbye I’ll hold on tight to you, if… if I had one more chance with you, I’ll do what it takes to keep you.

Alanoud H.A.

- She's an angel, it's pleasing to watch her, she's cold but when I come around she melt, as if life materializing from her, she has a beautiful soul, she listen to me with her heart, she told me once that she didn’t need to be strong around the people she loved, and then I understand this is why I see parts of her no one can see, because she trust me with her love, she loved me for who I am, never asked me to change, and loved the parts of me that I hate, but I messed up, I hurt her, now I lost the one thing I was lucky to have, I lost her.

Alanoud H.A.

(14)

It’s not easy finding yourself, even harder to deeply fall in love with yourself, it’s not impossible but it would be, if you think you have have to find your purpose, fight your demons to be a better version of yourself, and to be your own lover just in one day, it’s impossible to completely fall in love with a stranger you know nothing about, you’re that stranger to yourself, first, take your time to become a friend, then you’ll see how easy to fall in love with a friend.

Alanoud H.A.

(15)

Bad friends are necessary to have, for growing your understanding, regardless of the pain you created yourself, reset your mind for when you meet a bad friend your thoughts will not focus only on the pain, “you showed me what I don’t want in a friend, I understand now, so leave” saying that, it’s your way to make your intentions clear to the universe, you’ll stop meeting bad friends when you see them for who they are, a lesson not a real bond, the universe keeps sending them to you to see how much are you ready to protect yourself before it takes care of you.

Alanoud H.A.

(16)

If you knew the universe have your back, what will you do?

-I’ll fly, and let it catch me.

Alanoud H.A.

-She’s a free soul, any place will take her freedom it might also take her life, she refuses jealousy because she believes it’s a bad way to love someone, despite the fact it’s a trust issue, she’s one step ahead of you in setting good boundaries for herself, if you going to be overprotective with her, she’ll let go of you, she grow up in overprotective environment, since then, there’s one word to describe her, Eleutheromaina, means “The overwhelming desire for freedom” no matter who you are to her, if you threating her freedom she’ll cut you off, there’s much more important things than being in love, which is to be free.

Alanoud H.A.

(17)

I see you, I see the pain you’re going through, I see you’re struggling to keep your sanity, I can feel you if you tell me what’s wrong, and hug you if you allow me, I’ll be that friend who not makes you feel terrible for feeling bad about life, but foe now, I see you, and you’re not alone.

Alanoud H.A.

(18)

you keep coming back to me, in the act of taking back what seems you have lost in me, I’ll reduce my guards if you’re willing to concede there’s nothing in me that yours, you’re searching for gold in the air, there’s none, you may fool yourself but you won’t fool me, you didn’t lose any parts of yourself, I’m the part the you lost, you keep coming back to have me again, stop it, it takes you one second to know, I’m not involved in toxicity, and this way toxic to me, so stop you the one who left, not me.

Alanoud H.A.

(19)

I gave up on myself so many times I can’t remember, with keeping in mind that “it’s fine to give up on yourself, it’s the (let go) part that will change everything” and I never let go.

Alanoud H.A.

-She’s full of herself, never needed anyone except her, has a good relationship with herself, she enjoys her own company, she’s physically, mentally, and spiritually stable, I see the way she treats herself, immediately can imagine how wonderfully she treats others, I’m telling you about her, cause I deeply want her, but do you know how hard it is, to love someone has already love itself, someone who doesn’t really need, she’s whole before me, and still be after me, someone like her makes me think it’s forbidding to touch her, and the desire of making her mine feels like a sin sometimes.

Alanoud H.A.

(20)

Don’t teach your child what have taken you more than 20 years to understand, there’s an enormous difference between protection and ruin your child life by traumatized them

Fear cam effect badly on the human brain, if you decided to bring a child to the world because you’re afraid to stay alone with yourself, than please don’t, this shows how unready you’re, otherwise if you’re prepared to watch another human being discovering life all over again, to know the bright light called Sun, and only something called gravity can hold us from flying

Giving birth was never a life purpose, so don’t panic about it, and stop making your child believes that loving and supporting family only exist in fiction.